By Dave Mangene
What's the best thing about being an American in Holland?
That I get to be 'crazy'.
Niks geen nuchterheid.
Nobody expects me to be sensible. Nobody expects me to know anything about football either. But I have learned a thing or two about the beautiful game and I know a winner when I see one.
Here's why:
1. Arjen Robben. The guy is faster than a gazelle and he can dribble, pass, and score too. At this World Cup he's healthy and playing better than Neymar, Messi, and Suarez.
2. Hollandse School 2.0. It used to be the Dutch had to play 'mooie voetbal'. Not anymore. Good defense and 'reactie voetbal' are good enough for these boys. They just wanna get the job done.
3. Robin van Persie. Did you see that frigging goal against Spain? The first one? Well if you didn't, you're gonna be seeing highlights of it for the next 1000 years. How about the goal against Australia? Rock solid. The guy puts the ball in the back of the net. And he doesn't need to be the Alpha Male either. He'll take a backseat to serve the team if he needs to.
4. 23, not 11. Say what you want about Louis van Gaal, but he's got these fellows believing they're a team instead of 23 spoiled millionaires. Look at how the substitutes have played. Listen to players during interviews. They're not bitching about anything. They're just rolling up their sleeves and going to work.
5. Not too young, not too old. They've got veterans from the 2010 final in Robben, van Persie, Nigel de Jong, and Wesley Sneijder. And they've got 20 year olds like Memphis de Pay and Terence Kongolo. The balance is perfect. The wisdom of experience combined with the cockiness of youth. Boom!
6. Memphis and Leroy. With first names like those, how the fuck could you lose?
7. Hulk and Fred. With names like those, how could you possibly win. Hulk??? Are you kidding me? Yes, the guy is huge and he's good, but that name is too cheesy to put on the back of a shirt. It's bad karma. And Fred? The Brazilians insist on calling him Fred and then pronounce it 'Frej'. That's just wrong.
8. Brazil. Sure, the samba football, the home team, Neymar etc. But if they don't win, the country is going to have a civil war. There will be blood in the streets. And that's too much pressure for those dudes. They're gonna crack and it's the Dutch that are gonna deliver the fatal blow.
9. Spain. It's been one hell of a run amigos, but all good things come to an end. Adios!
10. Messi. I don't think the guy realizes there are 10 other Argentinians on the field. He can't win the thing by himself. Holland will beat Argentina in the semis.
11. The System. Much has been said of the 5-3-2 and the 4-4-3. Whatever. This Dutch team doesn't give a shit about a system. As long as they have a framework within which to work, they'll play anything. Most of all they're happy to boom the ball to Robben and let him run.
12. Wesley Sneijder. He hasn't played well yet, but he's not complaining. The guy will carry the water bottles if you ask him to. But he's still a great player, and the midfield will rise to the occasion when necessary. Watch out for one of his classic 'steekpasjes'. Deadly.
13. The Underdogs. Being the underdog is delicious. On the other hand, being the favorite is really frigging hard. Nobody can take away the favorite role from Brazil. So Holland will keep on being the underdog until they raise that trophy to the sky.
14. The keeper. Cellissen is good enough. And the fullbacks in front of him are beasts.
15. Louis has a 'gouden pik'. That one doesn't translate very well to English, but let's call it the Golden Pecker. It means that whatever the guy touches turns to gold. A new system against Spain? Dirk Kuyt from right wing to left fullback? Leroy Fer for Sneijder? Memphis de Pay? Mmm-hmm. Van Gaal is the man.
My friends, it's time for the Dutch to reverse the curse. My beloved Red Sox did it after 86 years of failing to win the World Series. Holland is due. Holland is healthy. Holland has the tournament's MVP in Robben. Holland has the best coach. Holland has the luxury of being the underdog. Holland is willing to win ugly. The planets are aligning. The Gods are listening. This is the year. This is it! Somebody gimme an AMEN!!!
There's just one potential hitch, but I'm not even gonna mention that yet.
HUP HOLLAND!!!
~ DAVE
PS - If you want top tips about American language and culture every Friday, click here.
Recent Comments