By Dave Mangene
By now you've seen a clip of Manchester United coach Louis van Gaal standing in front of a microphone saying things like:
"...uhh - yes, but dat is different koek..."
and
"...het is...uhh - again the same song..."
Van Gaal's quotes are all over the internet (in Holland anyway), and I find them highly entertaining. If you sent me a clip - thanks. I can't get enough.
For the past 21 years, I've made my living teaching Dutch people to speak English. From a technical point of view, I instantly recognize that coach van Gaal does little more than translate literally from Dutch to English. Next to the word 'Steenkolenengels' in the Dikke van Dale they should have a picture of Louis.
But if van Gaal himself asked me to be his teacher, I would say NO!
Because his English is a masterpiece.
I would gently plead with Louis to leave his English alone. Don't change a thing. Stay out of the classroom and on the stage. For God's sake coach, just keep talking.
The cynics among you could argue that I don't want Louis to change his English because I see him as a clown and that I actually enjoy laughing at him.
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Although I laugh hard enough to crack several ribs when I hear him speak English, it is not because I pity or judge him.
Truth is, I'm really proud of him. Louis van Gaal has what I hope to teach all my students to have:
KNOWLEDGE OF SELF.
Van Gaal knows damn well that his grammar is a mess. He's no Famke Janssen and he probably couldn't pass a Cambridge English Proficiency Exam. He has no illusions about his English and has never claimed to be 'good' at English. There are no pretensions. He is what he is and he's OK with that.
In reality, he even uses his 'Dutchness' to charm us and promote his brand. I call it 'playing the Dutch card' and van Gaal is a genius at it. By playing the innocent abroad, who doesn't know any better, he can keep his opponents off guard. They could mistakenly underestimate van Gaal, thinking "he just doesn't get it." But he gets it. He knows perfectly well what he's doing.
A SENSE OF FUN.
To watch van Gaal drop one of his classic 'steenkolen' beauties, in front of the English media, his goofy grin and crooked nose beaming to the cameras, is to know that he is having a good time. The coach loves his job. He's working in England, in English, and he's having a blast! Part of speaking great English is embracing the fact that even though it's difficult, and you will say some crazy stuff, it never stops being fun.
A SENSE OF HUMOR.
Van Gaal can laugh at himself. Without getting mad at himself.
Lesson to us all.
CONFIDENCE.
Coach van Gaal has confidence in abundance. After all, he's there - doing the interviews. Talking. Managing. Coaching. In English. Can you say the same about your life?
Often times, confidence is confused with arrogance. There is indeed a fine line between the two, and van Gaal has been on the wrong side of that line before.
But not now.
I define arrogance as insisting that you know, when you really don't know. If van Gaal demanded that the good people of England build a museum in his name, right next to Shakespeare's museum in Stratford-Upon-Avon, in order to celebrate van Gaal's mastery of the English language, that would be a tad arrogant.
But again, van Gaal is making no claims about his English. He's just speaking it - plain and simple.
As a teacher, I believe anyone can get better. If you have a functioning brain and the will to improve - then you can.
At the same time, I acknowledge that some things are better left as they are: the leaning tower of Pisa. Keith Richards's face. They are imperfect and unforgettable. No face lifts for Keith.
Louis van Gaal, and his priceless English, are the same way. Louis's English is a reminder to us all that if you'll just relax, allow yourself some imperfection, and start speaking, regardless of whether it's 'good' or 'bad', you could end up with one of the biggest jobs in England.
Hats off to you Coach - now go let those English people smell a fart!
~ DAVE
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