By Dave Mangene
Here in Holland, I know a guy who writes so well, so full of dry wit and down to earth wisdom - his work is a joy to read.
But you won't ever read his stuff.
Because he doesn't show anybody. No blog, no posts, no books - nothing.
In his more confident moments though, he's let me read some of his work. It is marvelous. Truly inspiring, and FUNNY!
"Why don't you post some of this stuff, man?" I ask.
"Because I have nothing to say. Who wants to read about my boring life?" he answers, unemotionally.
"Are you serious!? Everybody would want to read this. It's really good!" I say.
"Yeah, well - I don't feel like it" he says, ending the conversation.
I am left exasperated. I know better than to push it. He's as stubborn as a mule and will not budge. It's a world view I struggle greatly to understand. Why not share it with the world when his gift, to me anyway, is so blindingly obvious?
Because he is Dutch.
Well that's one reason anyway. Of course there are others too, but this unwillingness to put raw, unpolished work out into the world before it's 'perfect' is a pattern I see a lot in Holland.
I see it in the woman who teaches English, but won't speak a word of it when I'm around. I see it in the guy who studied saxophone at the Conservatory of Music, but won't jam with our band.
Undeniably talented, all of them, yet they keep their cards close to their chests. And it's not as if these folks aren't productive and successful in their own chosen pursuits. They are. It's just that when it comes to their 'art', they do not feel compelled to share. It's like their own dirty little secret, hidden away inside their hearts for a rainy day when no one is listening.
One of the reasons I find this so frustrating is because I don't see life that way.
Because I'm American.
Well that's one reason anyway.
We Yanks are exhibitionists; we display our wares, for all the world to see.
Take Facebook.
It was invented by Mr. Zuckenberg and his posse in the United States, and part of the reason for its massive success is the company's deep understanding of the American psyche: namely, our need to 'share'. Put another way, our need to be acknowledged for what we share. For better or for worse.
On our best days, the American tendency to 'Show Your Work', as the Texas based writer Austin Kleon would put it, is a source of great inspiration. My Facebook feed, as well as my Twitter timeline, and all the other social media hangouts, is filled with tales of adventure, woe, and humor which never fail to get me off my butt and back onto the field of life. The majority of these posts come from my American friends. I'm not saying the Europeans, Africans and Asians don't occasionally inspire me too, they do, but not as often as the Americans.
Of course, there's a downside to this as well.
How many cat videos, 'inspiring' quotes, and photographs of kids, lattes, and meals can a man be forced to look at? Not to mention the downright lies designed to make our lives look more glamourous than they are.
At our worst, we Americans have a tendency to 'overshare'. We sometimes lose sight of what adds value to the conversation and instead simply transmit, transmit, transmit. I'm guilty of this at times (although you'll never have to look at one of my meals. You're welcome). I do it because when the monster of loneliness engulfs me like fog around the Golden Gate Bridge, a post, a tweet, an Instagram, are a way to receive immediate feedback. A way to be reminded that I'm here too. That I count. That I'm alive. Zuckerberg knew I would feel this way, and he was right.
The question remains: is this a bad thing?
Am I a hopeless case of low self-esteem, a man who needs people to respond to his writing in order to know he is of value to our species?
Yes.
And no.
It is true, sometimes my habit of sharing my work online is a plea for acknowledgement. It fills a psychological void that could better be filled in healthier ways. I'm not proud of that.
But there's more.
At the same time, it's also a view of the world that says, "hey - I'm not perfect, but I have some things to say, and I'm going to say them, warts and all."
It's a commitment to a process. An ongoing challenge to myself, to ourselves, which embraces the philosophy that, if we're going to get better at our 'art', we cannot wait till things are polished like fine jewels. We gotta get it out there. We gotta get on stage and play those songs before they are any good. We gotta be willing to suck, before we can shine.
So I write the words, sing the songs, draw the drawings, and then hit the send button. And I'll keep doing it.
The Dutch, in the meantime, will be more cautious. It's true that Holland has taken to Facebook and social media with much enthusiasm and verve, and they bring their rebelliously dry sense of humor to the conversation. But they do it carefully. Almost reluctantly. It's their Calvinist nature: don't hang the dirty laundry out to dry, and keep your cards close to your chest.
Which I respect.
But, in the case of my buddy the writer, I hate it too. I want the world to see his writing like I see his writing. I want him to share damnit, because he's so good.
As with many things, the sweet spot is probably in the middle. To shout from the rooftops like Americans is arguably over the top, and to not share, á la the Dutch, is probably stingy. Somewhere in between would have the best chance of making us laugh, cry, and take action.
Whichever you choose, silence changes nothing, and I hope, if you have a talent that you're not sharing, that you'll consider putting it out into the world the American way.
~ DAVE
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